we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
