she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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