I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
