3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
