I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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