ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
