I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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