I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
