I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
