we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
