the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
