Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
