shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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