You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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