You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
