Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
