walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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