so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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