I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
