so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
