if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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