i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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