just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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