that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
