Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
