We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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