Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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