what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
