It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
