Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
