Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
