he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
