too bad you live with your parents still
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
