I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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