I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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