You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
