Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
