We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She told me I should be a condom model.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
