it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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