I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
