I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
