The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
