you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
