did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
