Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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