You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize