I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
worst night to have a conscience
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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