Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
