Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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