I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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