he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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