Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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