I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
