oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
