Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
