I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't deserve a penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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