Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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