I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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