i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
do nipples grow back?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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