i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
