Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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