I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
