So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
