She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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