I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize