Sponge bath it is.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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