I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
