I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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