apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my shit smells like andre
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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