So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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