I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
