would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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