Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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