is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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