I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
