My hair reeks of homosexuality.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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