i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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